I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
