I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
