i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
