morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
