At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
