This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
