I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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