i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
