and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
