I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
