Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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