he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
