I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
