Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
