yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
