Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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