Already got asked if we're dating
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
