I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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