what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
