Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
