I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize