I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
40s are totally the cure
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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