D3 body, D1 cock
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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