News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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