3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
