I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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