Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
