That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
