The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
