do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
