We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
