She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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