Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
