exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
