Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
