Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
