I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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