She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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