dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
