i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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