Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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