i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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