My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
