Will you blow on my dice?
so let's talk penis.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
