ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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