I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
