Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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