Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
