it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
