hotel room ftw
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
