I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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