Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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