I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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