i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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