I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize