I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I need water and some morals
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