My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
