I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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