Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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