We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
