Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
