Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
