I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
