i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
